And when the rain would fall down, i'd just stare out my window

Why does a child fear to sleep alone? Despite the fact that the parents will comfort and promise that there are no such thing as ghosts, the child will still think that there's a ghost/monster under the bed/in the closet.

I guess people naturally fear things that they don't know of - fear of the unknown. We are scared coz we don't know what to expect. Also, coz we know we are powerless. We are not able enough to control the situation that we are in.

In this case i'm the child, and SIM is the ghost.

~

I watched my first proper full episode of Las Vegas yesterday. I know the show has been aired for like...what, a few years already now? Ah heck, who cares.

I mean, i kinda watch the show once in awhile, but only for the Josh Duhamel's scenes. Once someone else is on tv, then i'll just switch channels. So i have never really know what Las Vegas is really about. Sad.

Well, Las Vegas is pretty interesting. I think i'm going to follow it. Only that i'm not so sure when it's going to be on AXN, dang.

Think CSI, but sexier and definitely less gory.

Oh that reminds me. I have another show, Lipstick Jungle, which i also don't know when it's being aired.

I'm thinking of following 90210 and Heroes. It's just that i'm really superly confused about Heroes. My fault, i know, coz i watched seasons 1 and 2 at the same time. Will someone explain the show to me so that i can watch the third season please?

~

Once in a really long time, you meet someone whom you have barely met for like 15min and you can just kick things off with that person.

Lucinda Lam is one of those people.

Dancing on the kitchen tiles, yes, you make my life worthwhile

Yesterday, while i was working and listening to this certain song from Step Up, i saw this random guy walking in front of the shop. I swear he looked as if he was grooving to the music that was being played. The way he walked was really on beat! And he had a lil bounce in his walk, which reminded me of Mr F actually, oh wells.

Anyways, besides the fact that he can groove to the music, coz i'm a sucker for guys who can groove, he had a really nice tight ass!

So i conclude that i'm an ass girl.

~

Zimah is a smart and talented kid. I don't remember achieving half as much as her when i was 10. The only one vivid memory that i can remember is playing hide-and-seek or "Crocodile" after curriculum time, while waiting for supplementary lesson to begin.

Something that you don't know about her, she has 4 CCAs till date. She was in band in Pri 2, badminton in Pri 3, art club in the first half of this year and currently, she's a librarian. When i asked her, why join library? she said it's air-conditioned there, she get to read lotsa books and she get to watch the activities that are being conducted there. NERD!

Well, i was a librarian for a year before. Not exactly for a CCA but more like it was a class position. In JC 1, i didn't want to be a part of the class committee, coz i was pretty tired being in the leadership position. But there was still one more position to be filled, but nobody wanted to be that coz you have to spend 2 hours each week in the library. Just about then, Ms Suzie mentioned that there are CIP hours awarded and right at that moment my hand just shot up.

So from that day onwards, i was the Class Librarian. How intriguing.

Anyways, back to Zimah. She's only 10, but she has been in tons of stuff.

1. She got to meet The President, Mr Nathan, coz she was in this art competition.
2. She won another art competition and got tickets to watch Chronicles of Narnia:Prince Caspian.
3. She was chosen for a badminton tournament which i didn't managed to go, dang.
4. She was the only one chosen to play the recorder at St Joseph's Home.

BUT she's super lazy when it comes to revision. She really needs tons of pushing from the back before she will sit down and revise.

Dearest Zimah, please get good results for the upcoming exams. I need you to watch High School Musical 3:Senior Year with me!

I'm GONNA write you a love song :)

Life's really good if you just pause, breathe and look around for awhile.

Coz you don't need major meet up sessions to make you happy, though it helps...but it's actually the minor minor things in life that should be treasured more.

Obviously my armor was cracked

Is this the season of betrayal or something? I realised i know atleast 3 people who are so "disappointed" and "cheated" with their respective friends.

Oooh....Drama.

~

I lost my thumbdrive at the workplace! I want it back! Janice, please find it!

At this point, i rather find out that someone took it without my permission. Atleast i know that it's SOMEWHERE!

Gosh, i wish a thumbdrive is like a phone. You call, then it rings, and you know where it is. Dang!

Let your clarity define you

How many of you out there are really proud to be a Singaporean?

I try each there to be contented with what i have here, coz i know i have so much more as compared to others living in unknown places like...like all those places in Africa that simply can't be pronounced *shrugs*

Being Singaporean, means i have to deal with all those locals out there as well. And it can be hard if you don't like the way half of them behave in public places!

When one has to take public transport 24/7 coz you haven't learnt to drive yet, you can meet alot of people during your journey. And trust me, some of them can be real nasty. Sometimes, sitting or standing beside them in the mrt, just makes me feel so unclean sometimes...Well well, of course exaggeration intended here, no surprises!

But seriously, what were those people thinking when they dig their noses...with great enthusiasm, mind you, in an mrt, full of people?! Am i missing something here? Coz i really can't figure out why anybody with any form of decency will want to do that!

There are also the minor minor details that these people may not pay much attention to, but i'm totally affected by it. To name a few, there's the rushing to get into the mrt, rushing to empty seats, peeking into people's books when you are totally not invited, and i'm sure there are many more!

There was a time when i really wanted to migrate...well of course not because of these people, coz they are SO not worth the drama. Now i don't want to migrate, but i still don't want to face them. I just need a chauffeur to bring me around. And unfortunately enough, i have yet to find him.

~

I'm usually not vain, but recently i love catching my reflection whenever i can. How recent...well, after i had my haircut, if you want to be exact.

Ok, whatever's coming next is totally self-indulgent and you have been warned.

I love my hair. I love the shape. I love the waves. I love everything about it.

Although whenever i meet Nan i still secretly wish that i have her hair, but most of the time i'm really happy with mine.

~

Random...

1. I can watch Meet the Robinsons on Disney Channel over and over again.
2. I'm beginning to like Nan's kinda songs.
3. I'm really happy with where i am now, well not literally of course.

This is the last chance to make our mark

Movies i desperately need to watch:

1. Eagle Eye
2. High School Musical 3: Senior Year
3. Kidnap
4. Drona (ok, this one not so desperate la, if got time and company, why not right...midah?? haha)

Teaching math on msn is so fun. You can pretend as if you know everything, when what you are actually doing is just reciting from the notes that are staring back in front of you.

And it helps alot that you have smart friends. So in times of emergency, you can mia for a while and still be back with the answer, acting as if you are the one who just have solved that sonofabitch of a question.

Kill them math monsters Mira, you can do it!

13th :D

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?

On Tuesday, i became the chaperon for Zimah and her fellow friends for their jalan raya. It was pretty fun to see all those adorable girls, being all dolled up and oh-so-excited for their first ever jalan raya. Haha virgin!

With the girls, jalan raya is slightly bit different. The first thing that they do when they reach one another's houses is to go straight into their respective friend's room ("Mari masuk bilik kita!") and start playing video games, watch videos on the computer or watch dvds on the television.

I don't play games, nor do i like watching stupid videos (remember we are talking about 10 years old here and i'm sure you can imagine the kinds of videos they watch...). So unless we are watching dvds (we watched Pendekar Bujang Lapok and Alvin and the Chipmunks), what i have to do is sit infront of the tv, all alone, and talk to the elderly -.-

Well, talking to the girls' mothers are usually ok, coz they are totally harmless and they cook really yummy food. However, there was this grandmother, Zimah's bestfriend's grandmother to be exact, was such a horror. She started telling me about her life, her illnesses, her problems, her family...LIKE I CARE?! Hello, i'm just here coz i get free and nice food and also for the money. Do i look as if i am interested to listen to your pathetic sad life?? Well, i kinda pretended so actually.

Okok, slightly too harsh, sorry. Fine, i know i'll be old and sick one day and by then i will also probably have the effing urge to rant my sorrow to someone, but i'll make sure it's not a poor 19 year old girl, hands down.

All said and done, jalan raya was fun, and it kinda reminded me of the time when i did that 8-9 years ago with my own classmates. Damn, what a blast we had!

And i've hurt myself, by hurting you

In every season of ANTM, there is always that one bitch that makes life difficult for all the other girls in the house. To name a few, there were Renee, Ebony, Bianca, etc etc...The common trait that all these "bitches" have is that eventually, they will admit that all that "fierce" thing, was just a big facade. They claim that they are so mean to people because of their painful past.

Well, who doesn't have a past? I'm sure everybody has a "painful" past, depends on how you define "painful", of course!

People are not born with cynicism. It's just a trait that you pick up, and with practice you'll just master it! Being cynical usually gives one the impression that he/she has the upperhand in arguments. That is because you think that you are not the least bit hurt and by replying sarcastically and rudely most of the time, you believe that you are in control of the "game".

But why just stop there? Don't you think that when someone is being cynical, he/she is just trying to cover up the fact that he/she is actually the one who is badly hurt? How else to show that you ain't hurt but by pretending that you ain't hurt?!

Yes yes, it's all about the mind game. Typical.

Gosh, this entry is so self-reflective.

Would you dance, if i asked you to dance?

Mothers are just amazing people. They may have been all busy with work/visiting their mother/hanging out with their friends/jalan raye, whatever...but they will still come home and clean the house, wash the laundry and cook meals for not 1 or 2, but six people.

How Mothers are able to sacrifice half their life just to devote their time for their family wonders me.

And i don't think i am ever able to do that. Afterall, i am a self-centred biatch.

You could be my black Kate Moss tonight

My mother said before that there's always a blessing in disguise in any unfortunate events that happen to us. So we shouldn't complain so much, but should try look at the positive side of things. Like when you fail an exam, you will then thrive to do better the next time round...though that sometimes doesn't work for me.

Using the same logic, i try to look at the positive side of the current situation that i'm in. Maybe this really happened for a reason. Maybe it's a test, to see how far we'll go. Maybe it's to see how strong our relationship is.

Or maybe i'm just deluding myself. Maybe this all happens just for the heck of it.

Maybe my mother is right afterall...like she always claim to be anyways. If we manage to triumph over this, i guess we have become stronger than before. We will know that what we share is something that is worth fighting for. And it's also a good story to tell our grandchildren one day, haha.

But if we don't, which i kinda doubt so coz i really have alot of faith in you...then i don't have much else to say to anyone...besides the fact, hah mother, you are wrong!

goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend

time and time again,

i give more than a few harsh words.

time and time again,
someone gets hurt.

time and time again,
i'm the "bad" friend.
time and time again,
it's my fault till the end.

time and time again,
i'm the one to be blamed.
time and time again,
things won't ever be the same.

time and time again,
i'll lose someone.
time and time again,
i'll start blaming myself.

time and time again,
i act as if i'm tough.
time and time again,
i cry when no one's around.

I can't believe i was that stupid. So stupid to make that mistake. Me, the person who has been trying to protect this whole thing, just blew it. BLEW IT! Me! How can i be so stupid. Stupid. Stoo-peed!

Stupid.

I'm still not done. Stupidstupidstupidstupidstupid! Ugh, this is so frustrating.

till then...

asyik bersembang pakcik dan makcik, hai duit raya lupa nak diberi

I think Hari Raya is a wonderful thing. It's really a time when everybody comes together and enjoy quality time. Not only that, it's a time to forgive and forget and start things anew.

All these years, i never took those things seriously. I only thought that Hari Raya is a time to have fun, celebrate and collect more money. But i must say, this year's more emotional, more meaningful. And I think I have finally believed and experienced the real essence of Hari Raya.

Selamat Hari Raya to everybody. Mohon Maaf Zahir dan Batin :)