It's not so easy loving me

Sometimes I can be really generous, sometimes I can be plain selfish. I won't care about you or your feelings, and everything is just about me. Me, myself and I. My happiness comes first, and I don't intend to sacrifice that for anything or anyone.


Certain stuff just makes me selfish, I guess. I choose to believe I'm not like that most of the time (you may choose to differ), but I can't help being selfish sometimes.


I guess, when it concerns things that are important to me, I would want the best. Who doesn't? And when this happens, I don't care about other people's feelings, I don't care about promises made earlier on. I'm just insistent I want things done my way, and nothing else is allowed.


I love my friends, of course I do. But that doesn't mean I'm supposed to make exceptions when it concerns them right?


I would want to say "I'm sorry". But that's the thing, I'm not sorry at all. People say sorry all the time; when they are late, when they cancel on someone, etc... but why say sorry, when what you've done earlier was on purpose?


But see, people expect you to be sorry, cause that's the right thing to do. And that's where I don't fit in, cause I do stuff sometimes, knowing they are not right, and I don't give a hoot. But see, that's just me, everybody else seems just fine.


I wish my selfishness doesn't have to cause pain for anyone. But if it does, then I'm sorry. Not because of what I did to you, but because this hurts you. Does this even make sense? I wouldn't want to do it if I had a choice, but see everything we do, we actually have a choice. And I choose to hurt you so that I can be happy.


Ok now that I've put it that way, my sorry isn't going to make a difference anyways.


We accept our loved ones for all the quirks that come along with them. I'm selfish, and the least you can do is accept it, I guess.


To long-lasting friendship...what say?

Koi Ladki Hai English Subtitles

It all started when Zimah and I were on our way home from IMM (oh Mira, we bought nonsense at Daiso again, your fault la, haha) when it started to rain. I asked Zimah whether she wanted to take the bus instead, but she didn't mind getting wet today (probably because we had no one to answer to when we got home all wet since our parents were not in town).


So, walking in the rain always reminds me of Bollywood and Zimah pointed out this song specifically, which we know as the "Chak Dum Dum" song. We didn't break out into a dance and there was nobody else to join us as background dancers, so yep, just the 2 of us, in the rain, walking home.


While walking home, Zimah told me that she didn't know what Dil To Pagal Hai is about. I was appalled! How can you be my sister when you don't know what's DTPH is about? Ok fine, drama aside, I then told her the story. So now Zimah probably believes that there is someone out there made just for her.


Ok shit, not true, that's not Zimah.
That's me.

If You Smiling, That Should Set The Tone

On Monday, I finally went to Gramophone with Nan and got my JT FutureSex/LoveSounds concert dvd! There are 2 cds inside, one for the whole concert and the other is a bonus cd. I was too tired to watch on Monday, but I finished watching the whole thing on Tuesday. Took me a couple of hours, but it was probably the best couple of hours spent ever.


My mother thought JT looked like Kris Allen. I told her she needs to get her eyesight checked.
My father said there's nothing special about JT. Apparently he strongly believes that he's better looking and a far better singer than JT. Puiii!
My sister tried to sing all the high notes to irritate me and kept calling him "Botak Head".


I have such a supportive family.


~


Duane finally got his big fat ass of SI yesterday! Dammit, best SI episode ever man. I really truly hope that the girls will not get eliminated any time soon cause a) I'm a feminist, and b) the boys suck la dey!


Ok actually, Sezairi isn't so bad. He's quite original though I wasn't all that blown away by his What Goes Around performance yesterday. You think you can pull off a JT song? Think again, dude.


I hope top 3 will be Tabitha, Sylvia and Sezairi. If top 3 consists of any other nonsense (say Charles and Faizal), I will be terribly embarrased to call myself a Singaporean. Sucks.

We Only Got 86 400 Seconds In A Day

So true. I need some reflection to do now, boo.

Life Is Short: Eat Pudding First

FYI, this is going to be a long entry.

So, whenever someone asks me out, I will make sure that I have a purpose to do out there before I decide to go out with that person. Sometimes I don't even want to go out just to have a meal with someone. Come on, why should I go out when I have food at home, and more importantly, when it's free?

Once in awhile, I do make some exceptions. Cause either a) food at home sucks, b) I need a break from home, c) I haven't met you in a long time, or d) you sound as if you need someone desperately.

On Wednesday, I met up with Mira and I think the reason would be (c).

I was an hour late, and finally met up with her at 3pm at JE library. And I managed to borrow 2 books! I was so happy because I haven't read a book in a really long time. And I think the books that I borrowed are going to be awesome though both of them are about a mother-child relationship.

And for the record, I'm not pregnant Mira. I just like love themes. Well, there was a point of time in my life where I would reach for any Mary Higgins Clark or Sidney Sheldon book cause I was such a thriller fan then. I especially loved it when I guessed the murderer correctly from the start.

I remembered once, I even called Mira at night cause I was so excited with how the story was unfolding and when I finally got the murderer right.

But that's the thing about thriller books! After you read enough books, you can start guessing from the beginning who the murderer might be. They are always the most unlikely person, cause if it was that obvious, then what's so exciting when the murderer finally got revealed in the end right?

Like in the book that I just described, the murderer was the lady living next door who was so nice to the main character throughout the story. Typical. Pfft.

Ok, I digressed alot! After we borrowed books, we had lunch at LJS. That reminds me, I want to go there again for that Grilled Chicken Wrap. Mmm!

After that, we went Daiso. For no particular reason actually, cause Mira just wanted to get all sorts of junkies then. And I decided to join in with her. I usually don't buy stuff that I don't need, but it was Daiso, everything was $2!

So I bought a colouring book, colour pencils and a folding fan. Do I need any of them? No, of course not. But the pleasure that I got from buying them was simply amazing. I don't even know why I felt good after that (maybe because I only spent $6).

Maybe because colouring reminds me of childhood, and sometimes I just want to be a child again. It was so much simpler then. Why do I need a folding fan? Ok, to be fair, it was a cute one, with a photo of jellybeans on it. And I'm smiling right now, just thinking about it.

Lastly, we went to Popular after that and I bought this really really adorable notebook which cost $9.90, yikes! Any normal day, and usually the normal me won't buy that book cause I don't know what I'm going to use it for. But I bought it nonetheless cause there was only 1 left and it was calling out to me, "Buy me, Shimah, buy me!".

Ok, I think I might use it for school, though I'm not so sure about that. Or maybe I bought it just to keep and stare at it cause it's so pretty! Hmm, I don't know.

Maybe sometimes we don't need to catch a movie. Maybe sometimes we don't have to have our day all planned out. Maybe sometimes we can just have a Cornetto ice-cream in the rain. Or play hop-scotch even (there's one under my grandmother's voiddeck btw!).

I don't know what's becoming of me these few days. I'm listening to slow songs, I even changed my JT ringtone to something that I think won't be able to wake me up if I was sleeping. And I'm reading love stories, and not forgetting I colour my new colouring book when I'm free.

Simple pleasures have become so much more significant.

With that, let's just live it people.

Ladki Bani Anjani Hai

I want to watch this movie again!!

Oh time, hold still, stop, wait

It has been raining for the past couple of days and I'm loving it! I know, this makes me sound like a lazybum who doesn't like to go out but instead likes to stay in and chill (not literally, of course), but what else can I say, I am like that!


Today, it rained again in the late afternoon. So I was lying down on the bed, and the radio kept playing SRK's songs non-stop and then I remembered that it's his birthday today. Ahh, bliss.

So what did I do today? Slacked on the bed, listened to SRK's songs while it was raining outside. I'd say that's really romantic, wouldn't you? The only thing missing was me imagining him in my room, singing, "Ho gaya hai tujhko to pyar sajna".


I know the photo and the song are from 2 different movies, but I like his hair better in KKHH la. Atleast it looked washed unlike his hair in DDLJ.


Before my entry sounds like (a freaked) someone's else's blog entry on MJ, I'll end here.
Happy 44th Birthday SRK! Make more great movies :)